In a bold diplomatic strategy, the Islamic Republic of Iran has offered to end their nuclear program, if the USA destroys all copies of the new Hollywood feature, "300." The deal is contingent on destroying not only all the copies made in the USA, and western countries, but all of the bootleg copies already circulating in Iran. "We will keep our nuclear program as dormant as our sleeper cells in the USA," the Tehran government declared. "All we want is for this filth to be removed from the face of the Earth, as well as the offensive movies they produce."
An inside source says that Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmedinejad will drop his demands if he gets a "one-on-one" meeting with Rodrigo Santoro, the actor who plays the Persian King Xerxes. The inside info is that Ahmedinejad thinks he can fool the "world powers" if he assumes a more feminine personality, intead of his current "apocalyptic" image.
Pres. Bush has resisted the demand, citing "freedom of speech" concerns. Sen. Clinton has "kept an open mind" to Ahmedinejad's proposals, though our inside source says that she is seeking counsel from Gerard Butler, who plays King Leonidas, on how to act like a Spartan.
I have to give credit for this spoof to a bold anchor on ABC news, who commented thusly: "We should offer to withdraw the '300' movie, if Iran withdraws their nuclear program," or words to that effect, following a report on the Iranian government's condemnation of the movie. Here's a link to the NY POST report, by Andy Soltis, which was easier to find, and is compelling in it's own right.